Do You Think You’re Not Good Enough?

Most people I coach all seem to have one thing in common – they think they’re not good enough.  But where does this stem from?  It seems that we can be our own harshest judge and critic.  What I get clients to do is to start by writing down a list of all of the things for which they criticise themselves.  I tell them to include small things as well as the more important things.  Typical things may include: ‘I’m shy’, ‘I’m too fat’, ‘I’m not very good at maths’, ‘I’m lazy’, ‘I’m not very clever’, etc….

I then get the client to look over their list, and ask them ‘Do you find yourself thinking things like ‘That’s just how I am’, ‘I’ve always been like that’, ‘I can’t help it’.  If they do, then there’s a clue that they are actually hanging onto ‘labels’ which may be preventing them from changing and developing their potential.

Many of these labels can usually be traced to something they learned in the past, and each time they use one of these statements, it’s as if they’re really saying, ‘…. and I intend to stay the same.  But how did they first get these labels?  There are two possibilities.  Firstly, someone else gave them to them, probably when they were children, either their parents, teachers, siblings, peers etc…  Examples of this may be ‘You take after your Auntie Catherine – she was no good at maths either’ or ‘She’s going to be shy, just like me’.  The poor client then ends up carrying around this label for the rest of their lives.

Secondly, another reason why a client may have become attached to a particular label is because it enables them to avoid risky, unpleasant or tedious activities.  Ironically, clients may use their labels to avoid facing the risks inherent in something they really want!

I get the client to think carefully about the labels they have identified, and to ask themselves if they’re just convenient ways of not having to face the time and trouble it would take to change.  I tell them to decide either to continue being this way, or to begin the work necessary for change.  I also tell them to notice any labels which they were given but which were never true, or are now out of date.  I then get them to re-write each item, prefacing each with one of the following: ‘I choose to ……’  ‘Until today I was …..’  ‘I used to label myself as…’

If you’re suffering from ‘I think I’m not good enough’ syndrome, try the above exercise, and notice how much better you will feel.

SEND YOUR INNER CRITIC ON HOLIDAY

Deep down we are all excessivly self-critical.

Even the most seemingly confident people have a well-developed ‘Inner Critic’.  The Inner Critic is that part of each of us which nags away and is never satisfied with our performance.

You can easily recognise its voice: it’s the one which tells you off all the time; the one that keeps saying that you are never good enough/clever enough/educated enough …..  to do or be anything of note in this world.  Learn to recognise this voice and ignore its nagging.  Love and value yourself instead.

JUST FACE THE MUSIC AND DANCE

‘Just face the music and dance’ is such a wondeful phrase.  It conjures up the image of risk-taking, decision making, accepting challenges and making things happen in a harmonious way.

Maybe you will have to learn to say ‘no’ more often; you might have to put up with some people not liking you or being envious of you, but always remember, whose life is this anyway?  Decide to be assertive.

Face the challenges that life brings in a positive way and dance to your own tune.  Dance and the world will dance with you.

JUST DO IT

What is it that you would most love to do but are afraid to do because of the consequences?

Name three things that you would love to do but that you are afraid to try.
Ask yourself what would be the best and worst possible outcomes of doing each of these three things.
Ask yourself, ‘What are my fears and anxieties?’  and write them down.
How realistic are your fears?  Usually fears are irrational and groundless; our longing by far outweighs the reality of the fear itself.

Go ahead – just do it!  You will feel fantastic.

Brain Gym

Computers can stress our system visually, auditorially, and physiologically.  The computer screen provides only one visual plane, limiting the use of binocular vision, depth perception and peripheral vision.  The constant hum of computers switches off our auditory skills and the electromagnetic field may negatively affect our energy systems.  If you’re stuck in front of a computer for any long periods of time, try the following ‘brain gym’ exercises:

Hook Ups (Good for stress)

Grade your stress levels from 1-10

Part 1:  Put your arms out in front of you with the backs of the hands facing.  Cross the wrists and interlace the fingers folding the arms into your chest.  Cross your ankles and place the tip of your tongue to the root of your mouth.  Sit and breathe for one minute.

Part 2:  Place your feet flat on the floor and connect the tips of the fingers and thumbs.  Keep the tongue to the roof of your mouth and breathe in this position for one minute.

Grade your stress levels from 1-10 now.

The Energiser

Notice your posture, focus, and energy levels.  Sit comfortable at a desk.  Lower your forehead to rest on the desk placing your hands under your shoulders – fingers pointing slightly inward.  As you inhale, experience your breath as a fountain of energy, lifting first your head, then your neck, then your shoulders and upper back – lifting to the ceiling.  Release and open the shoulders.  Exhale as you lower slowly back to the desk in reverse.  Back, shoulders, neck and head.  Notice your posture, focus, and energy levels now.

Stop comparison Shopping

When we are feeling low we often compare ourselves unfavourably with others.

We go ‘comparison shopping’ where we ‘buy into’ the concept of a comparative scale of self worth: I’m not as beautiful as … but I’m more beautiful than … or I’m not clever enough/good enough to do that.

Do you ever compare yourself with others?

Next time you start to compare yourself with someone else become aware of what you are doing and stop!

Say instead, I am good enough. You are a unique person. Make positive affirmations about yourself and your life will become a positive experience.

Believe That You Deserve The Best

If you don’t believe that you deserve the best then you will not allow good things into your life.

Do you think that you deserve to fulfil your dreams?
Do you deserve the best life can offer?
Do you believe you don’t deserve very much or, in fact, that you deserve nothing at all?
Closely examine your beliefs about what you think you deserve. Repeat this affirmation over and over:

I deserve the best in life:

Say it in the car, sing it in the shower. Believe that you desrve the best and you will get it!